“At 11:30 I must be in that damn office.” Anxiety and nerves are taking over of me as if a block of soldiers forbade my pass.
Recently this is normal in me; anxiety is part of my life, moreover, the day I do not feel it as a companion, I feel strange, as if I was not me.
“At 11.30 you must be in that place,” I repeat again and again, wanting the world to stop so I do not have to go.
It is not a matter of the place, it is a matter of whichever any task now turns out to me as if I were located under sandbags that impede my movement.
“10.30, you must leave now,” I say to myself.
I doubt, it’s time, “come out, get out right now” and in a push of strength I put my feet on the door, I open it, and I’m already out. I just have to leave.
I take the elevator to the ground floor and when I reach the door I see that it is raining as if they were throwing stones from the sky.
I had thought to walk to calm me down on the way, but with this weatherr I decided to take the tram to reach my destination, so I change my route.
Suddenly, I realize that if I’m not going to walk my way I still have half an hour leftover, so I go to a bar where I always noticed the exterior signs that advertise breakfasts and menus at a good price, but that I have never been to.
I decide to enter, take a lime tree and wait for it to be the time.
The bar surprises me pleasantly on one side and ungratefully on the other.
The color or rather the white and light gray that floods everything makes the place relaxing and modern in contrast to the old facade and loaded with signs from the outside. The shape of the tables fascinates me, of a light gray, they have an apparently square shape, however their sides form a slight wave that captivates me and transports me to the waves of the sea on nearby beaches.
In the next table I hear some girls say “for now I do not want to have children, at least until I have my own home”.
This sentence leaves me thinking if I were 20 years younger if I would decide to have children or not with the experience that I have now; however, the arrival of the waiter stops my thinking.
- What will you have?
I’ll have a lime and a croissant with butter – I answer even though it is not usual for me to ask croissants for the , but the nerves make me not give myself that pleasure today.
We do not have any left, says the waiter.
Then half a tomato toast, please.
This simple conversation stays engraved to forge in my head. Do not they have any croissants or is it that they do not usually have? So many people have to have finished ?.
A couple enters the bar and I am absorbed watching them while I think about my desired breakfast that I want so much today.
I do not understand, the reason if people in this bar usually ask for them and other similar pastries why they buy so little quantity. Do not they realize that they lose money by not bringing or buying so few? I do not find any sense in the decision of the manager of the purchases of this bar that the products are scarce, especially when a croissants costs more expensive than a toast, so they have more room to earn money. Will it be just today or will this be usual? -I wonder.
And while I take my lime trying to find out the reason for the lack of this product I feel that I no longer feel as calm as when I entered. And it is not the lack of my desired breakfasr, nor the decoration of the place that continues to collaborate with such a sensation. It is the noise.
There is too much noise in this bar. I look in detail at the people there are and although several tables are full, there is no crowd that explains the amount of noise that reaches my ears. Then I realize that I can listen to the conversation of any of the clients if I do it carefully. The noise reverberates, and meanwhile I take my second sip of lime, I begin to look for the reason why the noise bothers so much in this peaceful place, but for this annoyance noise.
By Espe Pérez